Establishing Boundaries: Your new Self-Care RitualJul 02, 2021
Now, we may not be the average of the five closest people in our lives exactly. BUT, we certainly are a product of the social, familial & romantic relationships we choose in this life.
Your health is about so much more than just the food you consume or the amount of exercise you get. Good overall health is also about the relationships we have with others and more importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves.
How do your people support you? How do they impact the decisions you make? Are you constantly giving to others first, before yourself? Putting your own needs last?
It may be time to re-examine your boundaries.
Boundaries & People Pleasing go hand in hand
When I was growing up I was always the ‘responsible’ one.
I was the one in my family who you could vent to, borrow from & rely on during tough times. Basically the unspoken rule in my family was ‘Michelle is the one who always has it together’.
That’s not a totally bad thing, right? Isn’t it good to be kind & helpful to anyone who needs you?
It wasn’t until I got much older that I came to realize these dysfunctional patterns were only holding me back.
Being the one who always has it together is actually a lot of pressure for one person to take on.
I constantly felt like I couldn’t be honest, I couldn’t be vulnerable and I couldn’t honor my very real emotions.
So things I wasn’t happy about stayed buttoned up. I didn’t let myself express any anger or frustration. Like walking around in an invisible straitjacket, I felt constricted and stuck.
And when you’re not able to release your emotions you start to get super resentful.
What I came to realize was that I really needed to work on my personal boundaries in my relationships.
How to form healthy boundaries
I wish I could tell you that there’s a quick fix!
For me personally this took several years of therapy & honest conversations. When your default is ‘yes’ to people’s requests, it takes a conscious effort to reprioritize your own needs first.
Figuring out what it is I really want, learning how to speak truthfully & learning how to express my emotions healthily has been one of the most pivotal steps in my personal growth.
By establishing healthy boundaries with my people, I am able to show up much more fully in my work. It has had a ripple effect on the rest of my life too.
Do the people in your life support your current goals?
Healthy relationships are key to our ability to become healthy internally - emotionally & physiologically.
Our social lives can be a reflection of how we are doing inside.
It’s okay to say goodbye to those in our lives who don’t bring us joy, who always take & who can’t seem to hold themselves up on their own.
It’s okay to focus on those friendships, family members, & relationship partners who provide you with joy & encourage you to be a better person. These people will challenge you, build you up, & celebrate your successes with you!
These people will be there when you’re low, when you need help, or when you need someone to point you in the right direction.
How to Build a healthy Support System in 3 Simple Steps
- Establish a support system of 2-3 people that you know have your back, that you know are going to be beside you as you make leaps & bounds forward in health.
- Key takeaway - these people DO NOT guilt trip you into compromising your desires, tempt you with those things you’re trying to avoid nor do they shame you in your quest of establishing good health & wellness
- Spouses, siblings, BFFs, family members, & close friends are all great options to help you start or stay motivated.
Each of us deserves to be treated well by the people in our lives & encouraged in the directions we choose.
Now I’d love to hear what you think! Do you need help establishing stronger boundaries?
Curious about learning what healthy habits can do for you - in organizing online business systems & living better through wellbeing practices? Book a virtual coffee date to chat.